Welcome to the new Ground Kontrol.
Portland has been our home since the beginning, and we’ve always tried to evolve along with the city. Craft cocktails, locally-sourced organic cuisine, and surprisingly expensive jeans define the new Portland. It’s time your arcade caught up. Introducing Ground Kontrol Artisanal Artcade, a classic arcade experience that’s not for everyone -- unless you live in Portland or are thinking of moving here someday.
Take a look at our impressive lineup of games you can’t find anywhere else, our brand-new food and craft cocktail menu, and RSVP to a wide array of events even if you don’t plan on actually attending. We’ve also de-modeled our space to the original 1900s-era architecture, making sure you feel like you’re in a fancy warehouse. This is the new Ground Kontrol.
Crepe Cart (Willamette Games, 2008) After the success of Burgertime, the food-assembly arcade genre exploded, and Crepe Cart proved to be a reestablishment of a classic recipe. Players throw together deliciously artisan crepes while racing against the clock in a stressful cart setting. Add Nutella, fresh local berries, and get extra points in the special gluten free round! But keep on your toes, because the Rain Factor can always effect the levels, and consumer trends change with every stage!
BIRDS!!! (Couch Classics, 1981) The original in the long-running series of BIRDS!!! titles, this classic was integral with its introduction of the impressive bird placement game dynamic. In the first stage, the player must put a bird on a nice painting of tree. The difficulty ramps up from there, as the following stages sees the player putting birds on bikes, soccer balls, and a pair of vintage sneakers. In the challenging final stage, the player must put a bird on a unicycle rider dressed as Darth Vader, while a digitized version of the original Dr. Who theme plays in the background! Put a bird on it!
Brunch Line (Screen Door Games, 1999) In Brunch Line, the player must bring coffee to an increasingly agitated group of folks waiting for a nice midmorning meal of fried chicken and waffles. Although often compared to Tapper, Brunch Line is a far more complex game, with a lot of variables the skilled player must contend with. For example, the kitchen often runs out of imported currants, and the player must enter the Explanation Round to appease the brunch patron characters when this happens. Coffee is also in short supply, and if improperly brewed, the line will dissipate. Everyone knows that brunch without a line isn’t really brunch at all, so keeping those folks waiting is the name of the game. Brunch Line!
Fix it Fixie! (Psychle, 1984) Bike repair is no simple task. With its unique sprocket and chain control panel, Fix it Fixie! found a lot of controversy with its challenging gameplay and its tendency to injure the hands of its players. The game did find a niche audience however, and remains a cult classic to this day. Increasingly difficult stages has the player using delicate rotating motions to patch-up a fixed gear bicycle in a variety of levels of disrepair. Cabinets of Fix it Fixie! were often subject to high rate of theft, making them a rare sight in arcades today as operators of the day were hesitant to offer them. Nevertheless, those with the devotion to its elusive appeal swear that Fix it Fixie! is superior to any other bike repair themed game of the time.
Mario’s Gonna Die (Nintendo, 2015) Perhaps in response to the much-complained about kiddiness of the series, Nintendo recently responded with a surprisingly adult take on Mario, and his mortality. The player takes the role of Luigi, who starts off the first level by receiving a troublesome phonecall from Princess Peach saying that Mario had to be taken to the hospital this morning. The doctors don’t really like his bloodwork, and they’re trying to figure out what’s wrong. But for now, we’ll all just have to keep our heads up, ok? Look, I know this is difficult, but everything happens for a reason. If God has to take Mario in the coming weeks, we just have to be prepared for that, ok? I mean, look at all of his accomplishments! He’s lived a long, storied life. He’s loved by millions. Oh, God. Is it always gonna feel like this?
Defender (Of Underrated Movies) (Scott, 2015) In Defender (Of Underrated Movies), the player must go against the grain and stand up for the films considered terrible by many, but really aren’t that bad. In the first level, the player must search the map to find reasons why not that many people saw Super 8. It is then followed by a bonus round where the player has to mash buttons to make a fuss over why Scott Pilgrim Vs the World wasn’t at least nominated for best sound editing. The Terminator 3 stage sees the player shielding the film from an onslaught of dissatisfied Terminator franchise fans, when really T3 could have been a lot worse. I mean, your first mistake is comparing it to T2. Only a true champion of Defender (Of Underrated Movies) can finish the final round, in which the player must explain why Freddy Got Fingered is actually a brilliant comedy.
NightMan (Paddy’s Games, 2006) “Friendship for Everyone!” In this surprising cult hit, the player takes the role of the Day Man, fighter of the Night Man. In each stage, the player must bash enough rats to earn enough to pay the Troll Toll, which allows passage to the next level. After fighting the Giant Bird and McPoyle brothers minibosses, the Night Man stage leaves the player with only a set of sweet karate moves to defend himself and save the day. After the Night Man falls, Day Man is declared Champion of the Sun and rescues Princess Waitress, in an awesome ending sequence complete with milksteak and raw jelly beans!
Failure (JED!, 1990) Nothing really matters in Failure. The player can adjust a couple of settings or whatever, but the whole thing is pretty much the same. Sometimes it seems like there’s gonna be a change of pace or something new, but there’s barely anything that happens in Failure. If it sounds boring, it pretty much is, but that never stopped Failure from being an incredibly widespread, wildly popular game that is played by millions.
AUUUUGHHHHH WHOOOOOAAA!!! (Namco Bandai Capcom Williams, 2009) “WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAHHHH!” DUDE DID YOU SEE THAT?! WHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOA! Mitch just barely got that thi-WHOOOOOAAAA! This game is like the beST-AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! CHRISTIE LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT! IT’S GONNA GET YOU! WHHHOOOOOOOOAAAAA!!! Dude, do you have any more quarters? Let’s all play! C’mon, it’s really FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! … … WHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAA!!!!
The Cranberries (Alternative Pinball, 1995) KISS, Guns & Roses, The Rolling Stones and AC/DC all had success with their own branded pinball tables, so figuring “everyone else is doing it, why can’t we?” the Cranberries got their very own pin as well. When starting a new game, the player is free to decide which multiball mode to shoot for. The low slope of the playfield tends to let the balls really linger during gameplay. The player can find salvation with a very forgiving ball save feature, but when the Zombie mode kicks in, a typical player dreams of playing another game. However, there’s no need to argue, The Cranberries is a decent enough pinball table that provides a surprisingly memorable experience, even if you never really play it much, and haven’t seen it in a long time.
Democratic People’s Pinball of North Korea (Pyongyang Systems, 2010) Dear Pinball of North Korea is superior to all tables of Western bringers of war. Enjoy on table the ramp, on which the silver ball go up and sometimes down. Mode with two balls makes double power and enjoyment, best pinball experience times more. Bouncing system of maze on table takes ball and points to farther place, beyond American know. In Dear Pinball, greatest of all time, only best ball of strengthened iron make for plentiful harvest of jackpot. Many lights dazzle with music from Beetles and Janice Jaxon. Tape away, for ultimate pinball only strong to win.
Pack, Man! (Bachelor Systems, 2000) Your flight is in three hours, and boy are you ready to go. Got the time off of work, your friend is looking after the dog, house is looking good enough to come home to… yep, It’s gonna be a great trip. Oh. But wait, you still need to do one thing. Pack, man!!! Time to throw some clothes in a bag! Don’t forget your thing of toiletries! Are we gonna do the whole thing carryon or do we need to check a bag? Oh – why do we always forget to pack, man?!? In each level of Pack, Man!, the player must decide what to bring for the trip. Cousin’s wedding in Spokane? Be sure to bring a tie, at least. Five hour flight back east? You’re gonna need something to do on the plane. Whatever you bring, be sure to get it in the bag fast, because – once again – you forgot to pack, man!!
Flappy Bird (BayTek, 2014) The arcade version of the insanely popular phone app has players earning tickets playing one of the most simple, yet frustratingly challenging games in memory. A single red button simulates the … wait. This one is actually real. They really did make a Flappy Bird arcade game. God help us all.